Woman asks Reddit if she is wrong about refusing to take in her biological child in emotional post
An unidentified woman went on Reddit to ask whether she is in the wrong for “refusing to take in” her biological child and leaving him to the foster care system in an emotional post that has been viewed more than 15,000 times.
In a lengthy post, Reddit user Ok-Dinner-990 explained she gave birth to a son when she was in college but she and her boyfriend, who would later become her husband, were unable to care for the child.
The couple chose an open adoption option with a “lovely older couple.”
“Fast forward 3 years, and we had graduated college and were about to get married. The adoptive parents informed us that he had just been diagnosed with autism,” Ok-Dinner-990 wrote. “The adoptive parents started to pull away from us after we got married. Visits and letters were decreased by their choice.”
Three years after Ok-Dinner-990 was married, her husband had an accident that left him with “severe brain damage.”
“My husband went from being an engineer to having a mental age of 8-9 years old. He isn’t able to remember things well and cannot work,” she wrote while adding that it has been a challenge since they had another child before the accident and now it feels like she is caring for two children instead.
She claims her husband “can’t be on disability unless we divorced.” In a comment to a curious Redditor, Ok-Dinner-990 wrote she makes more money than Social Security allows for disability benefits, which ultimately impacts her husband’s eligibility.
Moreover, she acknowledged that divorcing for disability benefits would “cause more problems than it would solve” in terms of insurance and power of attorney.
It has been eight years since her husband’s accident, and the adoptive mother has recently requested that Ok-Dinner-990 take custody of the son she put up for adoption because the adoptive father passed away.
The adoptive mother is fearful that she may pass away soon, which will leave the now 14-year-old boy alone, according to the Reddit post.
“I declined, and now she’s constantly sobbing to me about how everyone rejects her son and when she dies he’ll just be thrown out like garbage because even his birth mother doesn’t want him,” Ok-Dinner-990 wrote. “I in no way can take this kid in. I’m already essentially a single parent to two kids. … I have to work long hours, and can’t risk my job with constant absences.”
She also noted that the adoptive extended family has refused to take in her biological son “because of his extensive needs,” which includes “expensive” medication and therapy in addition to open availability.
“His autism is apparently very severe. He can’t speak or use the bathroom, and mostly communicates by screaming,” she explained. “He really, really, needs a stay at home parent because he is often sent home from school early.”
The heart-wrenching story elicited many sympathetic responses from Redditors.
“You have been dealt a really tough hand and you are doing everything you can with the resources you have,” wrote the top commenter, ApartLocksmith1, who received more than 14,500 upvotes. “Perhaps advise the adoptive mother to reach out to social services to discuss future plans for her son. It sounds like a specialized facility might best meet his future needs. Knowing you will visit him in a specialist unit (in future years) might give her a little comfort.”
The woman did not further update the story about her ultimate decision.